Arizona Cardinals, Dear Santa, Please check out the Valley of the Sun

Dear Santa from concerned Arizona Cardinals fans,

The Arizona Cardinals fan base has been very bad this year, but only when the team loses. I wish they would stop premature ejaculating when any part of our trio of quarterbacks has one decent game. It’s like when Blaine Gabbert gets a first down they think Super Bowl. All kidding aside, we could use some help this offseason. I have left you few items to consider this Christmas

Our first wish is to draft a decent quarterback from the draft and to keep Carson Palmer healthy next season so our brand new dual-threat quarterback can be molded by both veteran leadership and experience. Our hope is that our offensive line can protect our future quarterback, as well as condoms, protect men from unwanted pregnancy, so at least 97 percent of the time.

Next, for our second wish is that next season we can cure the injury bug that affects this team year after year. We fans understand that injuries are apart of the game. However, the Cardinals seem to have an abundance of them every season.

Our third and final wish is that Adrian Peterson comes back for one more season that way we can have one of the deadliest rushing attacks the NFL has ever seen.  Larry Fitzgerald deserves to go out on top, no matter what us fans say when we are mad.

Lastly, if you visit the Cardinals locker room. Please remove all the butter from the receivers lockers…… we don’t wanna lead the league in drops anymore.

-Corey J. Decker

P.S. If you need help keeping up with what team it is the Los Angeles Rams fans like that week? They only like the Rams when they win. Any other time? Look at the top seed in the NFC and that is who they cheer for.


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Corey Decker
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